Truth
Welcome to the first edition of Big Ideas.
I am so excited to kick things off and grateful that you are here. This week, we are talking about “Truth.” Let’s dive in…
Our solar system is made up of 9 planets (I’m an includer) all orbiting the sun while moving through and expanding into space. Now imagine for a moment something you believe to be true. Got it?
Now, imagine that truth is the sun, glowing brightly at the center of the action, and you are a planet (choose your favorite).
From where you are, orbiting the sun (or truth,) you have a unique vantage point. Let’s say you’re Earth. The light from the sun takes about eight minutes to reach you. The sun could very well be gone, but you don’t know that just yet.
It may be bright where you are, it may be dark. You may have a clear line of sight, you might not. What you see may be there, it may not.
Now let’s take a moment to acknowledge the other eight or so vantage points orbiting the sun. It may be bright where they are, it may be dark. They may have a clear line of sight, they might not. What they see may be there, it may not.
What we perceive as truth is being witnessed by a potentially endless number of unique experiences. What has shaped you, what makes up your planet and what constitutes your vantage point is vastly different than those around you. It may seem that everyone is looking at the same thing, but when you come to understand the unique experience that has shaped the lens of another, decidedly this is “untrue.”
Let’s look at another example: hot and cold.
At least once a day (hopefully) we find ourselves running water for a shower or bath. We place our hands under the stream of water and can feel it moving from cold to hot, feeling the range and shades of temperature along the way. But what defines hot? What defines cold? How do we pin point or describe everything in between? Warm seems pretty vague doesn’t it?
If the truth were to be described as a precise temperature somewhere in this range, we should wonder about the hand that is touching the water. If it’s our own, we know how we perceive cold and hot as well as what we describe as warm. But what about others? How can we possibly know what they are perceiving as hot or cold without being in their body, feeling what they are feeling? Sure, we can feel the same water ourselves, but even our own bodies will have different interpretations of what is being experienced. We all know that person that has no problem diving into a cold pool.
So when it comes to the “truth,” it’s important to keep in mind that each of us carries our own contexts (physical and otherwise) that help us to define our own experience, unique (even if by subtle variation) from the experience of another.
Here’s a Toss…
Rather than saying “this is true,” try saying “this feels most true to me right now.” What this does is it keeps your word grounded in your experience, rather than inferring that someone with a different experience is wrong. It also creates space for us to change our mind when we receive new information or have a shift in our own experience.
This is a great way to avoid unnecessary conflict and open a dialogue rooted in discovery and curiosity. Rather than being in opposition with a different experience or “truth,” we can inquire about the lens through which another is experiencing the “truth” at hand.
Now, I would be remiss if I did not mention what it means to withhold or misrepresent “truth.”
There are many layers to the colloquial concept of “lying,” but at its very core, what we call a lie is simply an intentional misrepresentation of your experience. It’s a purposeful distortion of our own illustration of the sun. Doing this not only misleads others, but it also negates our own experience, creating misalignment within ourselves, our values and commitments. That’s what the “icky” feeling is. It’s creating a split. Do it enough, and we can numb ourselves into a distorted reality, moving us more and more in the dark and further and further away from truly living in our own experience.
At this point you may be wondering, ‘what if I am simply withholding the truth?’ What I would say is that, in my experience, this can create more conflict than a lie. It’s the beginning of a three-stage process which ends in some of the stickiest entanglements that many of us find ourselves in, especially with those closest to us.
Withhold: First, we misrepresent our experience by withholding information, big or small. As an example, let’s say that a friend asks you to do something you don’t want to do and you do it anyway.
Withdraw: Then, as we continue into situations where that information would have been considered and maybe even acted on, we withdraw. Keeping with the example, you may find yourself avoiding doing the thing your friend asked, or creating distance with the friend so as to avoid addressing your discomfort.
Project: Finally, when we have reached a tipping point, we project by creating stories or having outbursts. This might look like creating a story in your mind that your friend isn’t really a good friend (I mean… they did ask you to do that thing you didn’t want to do!) or something along those lines, sometimes even sharing these feelings with others. It could even turn into an outburst where all of these bottled up feelings are then spewed onto your friend and anyone in the line of fire.
The key here is to be aware of this pattern and how it shows up for you, and of course, speaking to and honoring your experience as often as possible while encouraging others to do the same. Some questions to ponder here would be…
When Is the last time I misrepresented or withheld my experience?
How often and how deeply do I misrepresent or withhold my experience?
What does that mean for those with which I am in relationship?
Outside of the direct quotes, much of these learnings have come from exploration with The Hendricks Institute community, its teachers and facilitators, and Conscious Loving by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks. I cannot recommend this book enough!
Thanks for reading!
If this post resonates with you, I would so appreciate your sharing it with friends, loved ones, and colleagues.